The Wabbit Slayer
by JupiStrahan
Summary: A funky, messed up songfic. Rei = Elmer Fudd. Usagi = dead.


Many apoligies to WB's Looney Tunes, Metallica, and anyone else who had anything to do with the creation of this songfic, including my poor, abused, completely violated inner senshi. I couldn't help myself. Not only that, but chances are that this isn't even funny. Don't hurt me!

Rabbit Slayer by Jupiter Strahan

[Heavy metal guitar music starts]

VO: In an abondoned warehouse, with no lights, just shadows, and soon no rabbits; the purpose of the event is to pass the torch from one generation of heavy metal music to the next. And there lies[1], in his black leather hunting outfit, with a shotgun guitar with spikes coming out of it: Rei Fudd, the Rabbit Slayer.

Rei, shotgun guitar slung over her shoulder struts from the shadows to the center of the stage, where a spotlight now shines, and grabs the microphone, a crazed glint in her eyes.

Rei sings (with strong Fudd lisp): 

In the dead of night,  
a shimmewing wight,   
**************  
And the devil is paid. 

She smiles, but not sweetly. He face is twisted into a wicked grin, and heads toward a pair of chairs hidden in the shadows. The spotlight follows her.

When the ax comes down,  
a chiwing sound,  
stiw gets the head,  
another wabbit's dead!

Sitting on the industrial steel chairs are Usagi and Chibiusa. Both are blindfolded, cuffed, and chained down. On their faces are twin looks of sheer terror. Rei eyes them both in utter glee, and continues to sing.

I'm a wabbit swayer,  
a guitar pwayer  
with a nast habit:  
Kill the wabbit!!

Chibiusa squeals in a manner similar to that of a stuck pig, while Usagi 'eeps' and swallows the lump in her throat. Rei notices this, and lets out a laugh similar to Elmer's. After a moment, she realizes Chibiusa is still squealing, which annoys her to no end(and everyone else for that matter). She puts down the microphone, grasps one of Chibiusa's yam-like ponytails, and gives it a solid tug, making Chibiusa scream in a mixture of pain and fear, during which Rei shoves a wad of cloth into the twit's mouth to shut her up. After a moment, she realizes that it's almost time for her next verse and grabs the mike again.

I'm a *********  
a wabbit feaster,  
and I pwedict  
a bwoody Easter.  
Scuwwying shadow,  
and the shadow *******  
In the night air echoes,  
Kill the wabbit!!!

Rei walks behind the chairs into the shadows, and picks up a large item, which is revealed to be a rather large chainsaw. She reaches down and pulls the recoil starter[2], all the while singing (or is it shouting?)

Kill the wabbit!

Kill the wabbit!

Kill the wabbit!

Kill the wabbit!

The chainsaw starts, causing the two captive girls to freak out in attempts to get free before Rei can have her way with them. Unfortunately for them, Rei took the precaution of using steel cuffs and iron chains, and neither can get loose.

Kill the wabbit!

Kill the wabbit!

Kill the wabbit!

Kill the wabbit!

[Short guitar breakdown, then it becomes silent, except for Rei's voice and chainsaw.]

Oooooh!!!  
And there won't be anymow wabbits awound!  
No more Wogew Wabbit!

Rei swings the chainsaw towards Usagi, and it takes off her head, which falls onto the concrete floor several yards away, then rolls a few feet before coming to a stop.

No more Petew Wabbit!

A second swing takes off ChibiUsa's head, which flies across the room and through a window, due to it's smaller weight and size.

And no more Pwayboy Bunny Wabbits!!!

[The guitar music begins anew] 

Rei turns off the chainsaw and drops it to the floor, then falls to her knees and begins to laugh like the maniac she has obviously become.

Aaaa-HAHAHA! Ooooooh, be vewy vewy careful......

The spotlight goes out.

* * *

Makoto and Minako peered at Ami for a moment, who glanced at both of them and shrugged.

"That was rather morbid, Ami-chan," Makoto began.

"I was bored!" She replied.

"Was it necessary for you to have Rei take off their heads?"

"It was phallic symbolism, and I believe I conveyed my message quite well."

"That Rei wants to decapitate Usagi and Chibiusa, but her sanity and self-control is what's holding her back?"

"Exactly."

Minako blinked and muttered, "I didn't know that--"

Ami cut her off. "You don't know anything, Minako-chan. Just be quiet, and don't speak unless you're spoken to." She then looked back at Makoto.

"How... did you do that?" Makoto asked.

"What did you think I did in my free time? Study?!" Ami stood up and shouted, then blinked and sat back down. "Anyway, would you guys like to see my Rei vs. Saturn video?"

"Hai!" Minako and Makoto shouted in unison.

Ami reared on Minako. "I thought I told you to *SHUT UP!* "

"Gomen nasai!!!" Minako cried pitifully and quivered in her seat.

"That's better. Okay, here's my next video..."

The End.

JupiStrahan

* * *

Back to Jupiter Strahan's Fics


End file.
